Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
