i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
