You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Randomize
