just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
