Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
