Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
