They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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