If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
