Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
