my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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