I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
