You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize