look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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