I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
