Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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