I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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