it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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