My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
