whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
