he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
