I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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