i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
