so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
