seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
