She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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