I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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