Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just saw a hot homeless man
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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