so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
