So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
