Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize