I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
