So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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