i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
