Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
