You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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