I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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