I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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