What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
