whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
