I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He has the fingertips of a God
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