He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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