Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
