I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
