I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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