i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I know her cup size but not her name....
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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