Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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