I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
