i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
