I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
