cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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