We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
