Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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