I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I think my vagina is haunted
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
