i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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