Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize