You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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