You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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