We're like a lot better than the average bears
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My dick has a subreddit
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
