I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
