You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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