Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
why do cheetos always look like penises
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
