im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
