It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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