yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
