My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
