i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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