Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize