I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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