I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
