Whod you bang
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
