I wish my penis had an off switch
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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