I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
