i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
