Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
