yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
