I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
