I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize