Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
