Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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