About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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