I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I am mentally ready for anal.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
