just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
