woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
