I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
It's Friday. Sex?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize