I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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