5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
