I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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