New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
