His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
