i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
