i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
