is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
