If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
