I think I died a long time ago.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Randomize
