I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
