I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
