the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize