yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
