apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
what is it with giant penises always finding me
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I supernannyed him into submission
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
