Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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