my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
