I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
