Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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