I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
