I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
