Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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