worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
