you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
