Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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