he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
