what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
